


A Call Away

by Somekindofflower



Series: A Call Away [1]
Category: ER (TV 1994)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Friendship, Luka/Abby (mentioned), Neela/Ray (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28537266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somekindofflower/pseuds/Somekindofflower
Summary: Neela is making big life decisions and is in need of some wisdom from Abby. When she calls, Luka answers instead, and they have a conversation.
Relationships: Ray Barnett/Neela Rasgotra
Series: A Call Away [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2204103
Comments: 9
Kudos: 19





	A Call Away

**Author's Note:**

> An impulsive one-shot that is an actual, honest to goodness one-shot! From me! I barely recognize myself. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> (For those who read my multichapters, those are coming along. Sometime.)

Neela listens to the message again, feeling her anxiety spike. All these options ought to make her elated that she’s so desired. But she’s not. A rejection might have taken the decision out of her hands. Yet, here she is. Two offers are on the table (though really three), and she has to pick one. The right one. 

Wishing Abby were here in person to talk her through it, she selects her number and listens to it ring.

“Neela?” It’s not her best friend who answers, but her husband, though his voice is oddly hushed.

“Oh, hi, Luka.” She chews her lip. Abby’s happy, she knows, and Neela’s so glad that they’re back together. But Neela hasn’t really talked to Luka since the two of them blew up last year and he whisked Abby off to Boston, so she’s not sure how to react to him anymore. “Is Abby there?”

“She had a long, rough shift and she fell asleep on the couch. I’m screening her calls. Did you pick a hospital yet?”

“No, I was hoping to talk to her about it. I can’t seem to make a decision. I guess I’ll call her tomorrow.” Call her tomorrow, and spend the night pacing the floorboards in the meantime. If Greg were still alive, she’d call him. Her heart pangs at the thought. 

“What are your choices? I could always...I could help. If you want.” If he were in front of her, he’d be shifting his feet and looking at the ground, he sounds so unsure.

So she caves. She is in need of advice, after all, and he used to be one of her favorite teachers. “Corday wants me at Duke.”

“Elizabeth Corday? I didn’t know she was there.”

“Yeah, neither did I, until I went to my interview and there she was.”

“Well, you know Duke’s reputation, and it would be nice to have her there as a mentor.”

“I pulled my application from County. But Lucien still wants me there and he’d give it to me if I want. Then today I got a call from Lechatlier.”

“Lechatlier...that sounds familiar but I don’t...oh. Isn’t that Ray’s hospital?”

She blushes. “Um, yeah.”

“Well. You know what I’m going to say then. You know what Abby’s going to say too. That’s your answer.”

“But I can’t make it about him, can I? I’ve worked so hard, my parents worked so hard, too hard for me to make a decision based on a guy.”

“Ray isn’t just any guy. And you’ll be a surgeon. It’s not like you’re moving to Louisiana to work at a Jumbo Mart.”

Ouch, low blow. “I guess.”

“How long has it been since you and Ray lived together?”

Her cheeks heat at that phrasing. “About three years, but—”

“You still miss him.” It sounds so _simple_ when he says it, and that kind of pisses her off. She’s watched him overcomplicate things for years. Maybe that’s his point, though. 

“Yeah. But that’s a silly reason, isn’t it? I’m supposed to go to the best hospital, take the most prestigious position I can get, conduct trials, publish and be the most kickass surgeon I can be.”

“You’re already a kickass surgeon. Look, I know I’m not a surgeon, but I’ve practiced medicine in a lot of different places around the world, and wherever you are, there will always be exciting cases and ways to be creative and innovative to help your patients. You can make a career anywhere. You have to go where you want to make a life.”

Neela’s not sure she’s ever heard Luka say so much all at once, with the possible exception of his and Abby’s wedding. He should do it more often. Either she’s desperate for an excuse or what he’s saying makes a lot of sense.

“I just don’t know how to know what the right thing is.” 

“Is it...never mind.”

“What?” They’re in this now, she’s not going to waste it. Good advice is welcome from anyone at this point. She came this close to asking _Frank_ his opinion that afternoon, but then he turned to yell at some kids for laughing too loudly and the urge disappeared. She’s been dying to really talk to Lucien about it, but he’s taking the whole thing far too personally, and she respects Luka’s opinion nearly as much. 

“Is that really the problem at all? Or is it about Gallant?”

That blow lands on its mark and makes her chest ache. “I...I don’t know. Some of it. Maybe.” She closes her eyes and breathes out slowly.

“I know we don’t usually talk about this stuff, but…” She can practically hear his uncomfortable shrug. “I've been there.”

“Yeah. You have.”

“I don’t know how much Abby told you about us before, but it was pretty difficult to be with her, the first time.”

Something hot and protective rises up in her at that. “What do you mean? You said you loved her from the beginning.”

“I did. That’s why it was hard.”

The heat immediately cools but she’s still confused. “I don’t follow.”

He sighs loudly and she almost laughs at him trying to have the conversation but not use enough words. Abby’s the only one who can read his mind, and even that is spotty. 

“Don’t repeat this, please, but...it was easier to be with Sam or other women who didn’t mean much to me. Because I truly loved Abby. I was really moving on from them and that hurt and felt like—like a betrayal.”

God, he’s got her number. Are the two of them really this alike or is this how everyone who loses a true love then finds another feels? Her throat closes as tears fill her eyes. He doesn’t mention them, but she knows he’s thinking of Tony and Simon. Both men she cares for, but they could never be more than temporary. They could hurt her, but not at her core, not the way Ray could, not the way losing him could.

“Yeah,” she finally replies, voice cracking. “Yeah. The guilt is still there. It’s not as bad as it was. I know it’s not right, I know Michael would hate for me to miss out on anything because of him.” She swallows, remembering his goodbye video. “Do you still have that?” 

“Only every now and then. It goes away little by little, when you know it’s right.” 

Neither of them mentions that their guilt is different, what with his children, and the fact that she and Ray first developed feelings while she was married to Michael. But despite her feelings starting for Ray earlier than she wishes, she didn’t betray Michael. She ran. Both because she loved him and because it was the right thing to do. 

“But the fear of losing him, of losing someone like that again...”

“I know.” 

He’s quiet for a moment and she tries not to cry. That’s the crux of it. She’s making this about medicine because that’s what she’s supposed to do, the smart thing to do. But also, the last time she made a decision based on what her heart wanted, she got married on a whim. Then she became a widow before she ever even celebrated an anniversary.

“I could lose Abby, Neela. And it would break me.” She hears it then, the same raw pain in his voice the night Joe was born, that grief and wariness that she doubts will ever fully disappear. “But I’ve nearly lost her over and over already, because of my own stupidity. If I ever lose her again, I’ll be damned if it’s my own fault.” 

A tear does slip out then, as she flashes back to sitting on a folding chair at Michael’s graveside, asking Greg if this was something she’d never get over. _“No. This is something that you find a place to put and let it make you stronger.”_ God, she misses him, too. Maybe that’s what Luka’s finally managed to do.

This is the first time she’s talked to Luka and felt like this, like _his_ friend, rather than his wife’s friend who either wants to laugh at how besotted they are or smack him for being an idiot. In spite of all their messes, they still love each other fiercely, and what they have is beautiful. It’s what she wants with Ray—a real life, love, messes and all. Thank God they didn’t lose that. 

“You’d better not forget it.”

“I won’t. Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

Huh. She thinks about it and finds that she already has forgiven him. “It does. But if you ever hurt her again, I’ll kick your ass, Kovač.” Even if she has to carry her own step ladder on three connecting flights to do it.

“If I’m ever that stupid again, you’d better. So what are _you_ going to do?”

Taking a deep breath, she lets herself say it for the first time, out loud. “I’m going to take the position at Lechatlier to be with Ray.” It sounds good, right, a dream come true, but it still makes her bite her lip at the audacity of it. “Unless I chicken out.”

Luka laughs at that. “From one chicken to another, just do it. Besides, Dubenko loves you. If it doesn’t work out, you can always go back to County.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” she says, unable to help cracking a smile.

“Hey, if what you wanted was a pep talk, you’d call Morris, not me _or_ Abby.”

She snorts. “True.”

“Speaking of Abby, I’ve got to go lug her up the steps and into bed.” His voice has gone all soft and she can picture exactly how he’s looking at Abby right now. It’s the same melting look she’s seen in Ray’s eyes—not often enough, because she hasn’t let him in, not enough. But all of a sudden, she’s dying to see it right this second, and she knows without a doubt, she’s making that call to Louisiana tomorrow. 

“Give her my love.” 

“I will. I’ll have her call you tomorrow to make sure you don’t back out.”

“Okay,” she moves to hang up then stops. “And Luka. Thanks.” There’s no way to express it fully. She knows from Abby and from watching over the years how hard it is for him to make himself vulnerable. But he did it for her. 

“Uh, you’re welcome. Bye.” His stumbling signals the return of regular Luka, and she grins before signing off herself. 

“Bye.”

As soon as she hangs up the phone, she hops on her laptop. She’s got plane tickets to buy.


End file.
